thedeadlyhook | Mostly About Movies

Entry tags:

Mostly About Movies

Belated Very Happy Birthdays to

germaine_pet,

lordshiva,

diachrony,

ladyk8,

fenchurche,

eurydice72, and Happy Birthday in Advance to

flake_sake!

We had a locksmith come in to fix our laundry room door, which had mysteriously decided to lock itself yesterday, trapping a load of wet clothes in the dryer and us out in the hall yanking at the frozen doorknob for, I kid you not, hours on end. The landlord's whole family eventually got in on this action, which could have very easily ended in breaking down the door with a fire ax--that lock was not budging--until Toys came up with the idea of pulling the door hinges and wriggling the door loose that way. And now we have a shiny, new unlocking knob. This, in our house, is what currently counts as drama.

Saw Hellboy 2 the other night. This will probably be a minority opinion, but I was pretty disappointed.

This may seem a fatuous argument to be making about a summer "blockbuster" movie, but although Hellboy 2: The Golden Army is far from the worst action movie I've ever sat through (Batman and Robin might hold that title), it's yet another one of those million-dollar-visuals-in-service-of-a-buck-fifty-story. And not a very original story at that - the last time I saw the assemble-pieces-of-the-magical-item-to-gain-great-power plotline (complete with symbiotic twins, which means yes, I guessed the ending long in advance) was in the Fatal Fury: The Motion Picture anime, although as a videogame-derived production, I really doubt that story was original then, either. Hellboy 2 plays out like a long videogame cutscene, in fact: the main baddie is a Devil May Cry-esque videogame character who spends his spare time practicing martial arts shirtless, and starts a war with the human world with two, count 'em two, followers to back him up. The rest is just one confrontation after another, and trying to think about the story in terms of point or theme will just make you depressed. Like, a whole goblin market coexisting alongside humanity in modern NYC, cool! Only... uh, it's just sort of there for atmosphere or something, or to remind you of Spirited Away, or Neverwhere, or a dozen other things, and there's a giant plant elemental straight out of Princess Mononoke, although never mind the ecological theme that its presence raises... anyway, Love Conquers All. Or something.

And the made-up mythology about the Golden Army... you know, I've only just identified what annoyed me about that. It's such a trope now, the legend that turns out to be a factual document. Oh, I just happen to have a book right here that explains everything about this legend you've never previously heard of before, and of course there's only one version of said legend, and actually, it's absolutely true! It's only very slight variant on the old saw of They Wrote What They Know, aka All Great Artists Were 100% Literal. From Shakespeare to Elvis, they all just looked out the window and recorded what they saw or imitated someone else, no creativity required. In fantasy, I find this a particularly soul-killing assertion - the inexplicable doesn't exist. And there's no real awe of discovery either, if everything's treated like pre-observed phenonmena. (This is a major reason, if anyone's interested, why I've never been able to get into Supernatural, btw. And yes, it bugged me in Buffy, too.)

And oh, let's not forget the gender stereotyping! Despite a leather outfit, gun, and superpowers, fire-mutant Liz's whole role in the film is to be the emo girlfriend, who spends the final big battle scene - in fact, most of the film - just standing around. We get an utterly lame princess who has no royal authority whatsoever to measure up to her (twin!) brother's, so it never occurs to her to say, gee, I could claim control of the Golden Army too. The things these women don't do during the film count as actual plot holes, but we're not supposed to notice that because women are supposed to stand around being passive, yes?

My eyes, they hurt from the rolling, my teeth, from the gritting.

So... yeah. It's not awful, just... a letdown. It could've, and should've, been better.

Alternatively, let me put in a plug for the Hellboy comics, which remain thoroughly enjoyable. All hail Mike Mignola as a master of atmosphere.

Guillermo Del Toro, for shame.

Serendipitiously, on teevee the other night was The Brothers Grimm, a Terry Gilliam movie Toys and I had been meaning to see, which just happened to cover some rather simliar ground to Hellboy 2, but was the polar opposite on a lot of the above points that bugged me. It featured a cool heroine who actually did stuff, genuine scares and surprises instead of seen-it-before spectacle - some of them unutterably gross, class-A, kindertrauma-category nightmare fuel - and the two "expert" brothers of the title aren't 18th-Century Men in Black, but... okay, I don't want to spoil it. "Legends" turn out to be "real," but not real to the letter of the texts they're reading from, and the whole thing is a delirious slurry of every fairy tale you've ever read. Not a great film by any means, but it had more visual originality than Hellboy, and boasts the late, lamented Heath Ledger as one of its two stars. With a caution about the upsetting imagery, I'd recommend it as an interesting double-bill - compare and contrast!

Now, for a change of pace, one of the pre-movie trailers at Hellboy was for the remake of Death Race 2000, an old Roger Corman movie. For those who've never seen it, it's a black comedy about a coast-to-coast auto race in which drivers get extra points for killing pedestrians (starring David Carradine of Kung Fu fame!). The point of this film, driven home for you by a selection of broadly glib TV announcers, is that this near-future culture is violent, violent, violent, a social commentary that fits in the same spreadsheet column as Rollerball (the James Caan original), the '80s Schwarzenegger movie The Running Man, and Escape from New York. Judging from this trailer, though, the new Death Race is gonna revolve around the usual this-time-it's-personal manpain, and will play the race absolutely straight.

It's official: you can't make make future parodies anymore. No one gets the joke. It's not a joke. We live there.

And then, I remember that Iron Man is still playing in theaters, and that I really enjoyed The Incredible Hulk. And that's when things start to look up.

I'm gonna go read some more Doctor Strange now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think Hellboy II angries up my blood more and more as I think about it. I'll cut a creator all kinds of slack for tackling something loony and ambitious and failing at it, but here we have a couple of very talented creators swiping Generic Anime Plot Number 3 and completely bollixing it up.

I mean, aside from the examples you mention (Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away), the notion of exiled fairy folk launching an uprising against the human civilization that's driven them into hiding is also exactly the same premise used in Pom Poko and The Great Yokai War. Between Mononoke, Pom Poko, and Great Yokai War, that's at least three iterations of the exact same plot, every single one of which demonstrates the basic competence of the creators by pointing out the ecological theme of the fairy rebellion and giving the angry forest sprites a clear and somewhat sympathetic agenda. In this version, though, the closest thing we get to a motive for the villain is the very strong impression that he's hot for his sister.

So yeah. I'll forgive creators who try something new and can't quite make it work, but screwing up a lazy, carbon-copy ripoff is just contemptible.

And wow, that was some weak-ass characterization. Having overcome her "I'm a horrible murdering freak" complex, Liz has just turned into a generic Shrewish Nagging Girlfriend who gives Hellboy a hard time for not picking up his socks. And the new German team member? Who would have guessed that he's a heel-clicking martinet obsessed with rules and regulations? The writers must have stayed up all night coming up with that one!

On the other hand, Brothers Grimm was a pleasant surprise. I like how the brothers' real-life magic adventure incorporates the elements of every classic fairytale - red riding cloaks, wolves and woodsmen, finger-pricking sleep charms, mirror mirror on the wall - but in sufficiently weird and incongruous ways that we can still give the Grimm brothers and/or their interview subjects credit for spinning these details into the actual stories we know today.

And man, the spider-horse was freaky!!

As for Death Race 2000 and its dystopian ilk, I'm going to spend the rest of this week lurching around muttering to myself about how "Corman tried to warn us, but we just didn't listen!" Now that it's too late to prevent the dark infotainment-saturated future that '70s and '80s sci-fi warned us about, I guess we're just supposed to concern ourselves with how the hunky-yet-sensitive protagonist feels about it inside. >:-(

In this version, though, the closest thing we get to a motive for the villain is the very strong impression that he's hot for his sister.

I actually didn't pick that up - I almost would've given a couple of more points for that. As is, I don't feel that guy had a motivation at all, beyond "grr, I'm a badass!" And I forgot to mention the other plotline about the BPRD coming out in the public eye, which turned into a confusing sludge of dynamics from X-Men and throw-away-your-badge cop movies, let those two things naturally go together or something. HUH?

Having overcome her "I'm a horrible murdering freak" complex, Liz has just turned into a generic Shrewish Nagging Girlfriend who gives Hellboy a hard time for not picking up his socks.

But babies will make everything better.

Now that it's too late to prevent the dark infotainment-saturated future that '70s and '80s sci-fi warned us about, I guess we're just supposed to concern ourselves with how the hunky-yet-sensitive protagonist feels about it inside. >:-(

Yeah, weird, but I'm more disturbed by the fact that we're living inside Max Headroom rather than interested in some beefcake's personal issues. The self-involvement in these stories is really getting obnoxious.

And I forgot to mention the other plotline about the BPRD coming out in the public eye, which turned into a confusing sludge of dynamics from X-Men and throw-away-your-badge cop movies, let those two things naturally go together or something. HUH?

Oh yeah, I forgot about that plotline too. But it's okay, so did the writers. (Didn't that happen with Blade 3 as well?)

But babies will make everything better.

You know, a woman who randomly bursts into flames and has just learned that she's been knocked up by a seven-foot demon with horns and a big stone hand might have more urgent concerns on her mind than who's gonna do the dishes. I know that playing Hellboy as a totally regular dude is kind of the basic character concept as far as the movies are concerned, but those two are going to have child-rearing concerns that make The Incredibles pale by comparison.

Yeah, weird, but I'm more disturbed by the fact that we're living inside Max Headroom rather than interested in some beefcake's personal issues. The self-involvement in these stories is really getting obnoxious.

Sssh! We're not supposed to talk about society! Concentrate on the man-pain!

Yeah, that encapsulates a great deal of my reaction to Hellboy II -- along with the uneven emotional pacing, the aggravating won't-it-ever-end singalong musical sequence, the railroading of the plot (oh, it's not enough that there's seventy times seventy Golden Warriors, they REGENERATE too so you can't ACTUALLY destroy any of them despite superior weaponry, so really you HAVE to fight Mr. Lean Albino Evil Mastermind)... yeah. Sadly, so much fail.

I definitely need to pick up Brothers Grimm on DVD.

I've never actually seen the original Corman take on Death Race 2000, but I found myself immediately remembering hearing of it. It continues Jason Statham's pattern in roles as Explosion!Man! (Transporter, Transporter 2, Crank, War, etc.). I also found myself immediately flashing on all the Mad Max movies and every game I played of Car Wars back when I was a kid. *sigh* And the filmmakers, being unable to spoof stuff with any competency, are undoubtedly going to play it straight. *eyeroll*

oh, it's not enough that there's seventy times seventy Golden Warriors, they REGENERATE too so you can't ACTUALLY destroy any of them despite superior weaponry

I actually omitted a rant about that, the "invincible" army that has no tactics beyond a slow, menacing, forward lumber, and apparently doesn't even pose a credible threat to Abe and Liz, who are standing right there and yet don't lift a finger to fight. I swear, if you're going to introduce an ultimate robot weapon, for god's sake, don't make it so lame that you'd rather see two guys duke it out instead.

Oh, god, I hadn't even noticed it was Jason Statham in that movie. That tells me a lot right there - I don't think I've seen him in anything good yet.

He's been OK in a few movies. Most of them seem to involve use-your-wits thefts of some type rather than blow-everything-to-hell brainless action, though -- for example, "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Snatch", "The Italian Job", and "Bank Job".

Ah. I haven't seen any of his caper stuff. I've been meaning to check out Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. And isn't Snatch the one where Brad Pitt speaks in gibberish?

Yup! It's nonetheless good in spite of (because of? *grin*) that.

Oh, god, I hadn't even noticed it was Jason Statham in that movie. That tells me a lot right there - I don't think I've seen him in anything good yet.

Well, there's always Ghosts of Mars. Oh wait, you said "anything good." :-)

And yeah, the fact that the Golden Army itself sucked was a bit of a problem. In hindsight, though, I'm more amused that Albino McSkinnypants declares his intention to rally "All of our people! The good! The bad! The ugly!" And then the rest of the goblin race reacts with complete and total indifference. "Yeah, that's great. Look, I gotta move a couple dozen crates of tooth fairies here, and then I have to go see this guy in Jersey about a magic cauldron. Good luck with that fairy rebellion and all. Break a leg."

Great review of 'Hellboy II'. While I thought the film was visually stunning and I loved traveling through the troll market (even though it was not an original idea), I left the theatre feeling emotionally cold and wondering what the point was. And how could they all just quit? How are they going to support themselves? And am I the only one wondering exactly how Liz got knocked up? I mean, I know how, but given Hellboy's size, um, well, you know what I'm getting at.

You make so many excellent points. I was very disappointed that the sister's only viable solution was to sacrifice herself to stop her brother. Why couldn't they have taken the crown and handed it to her? Why couldn't she have stopped the army and returned to rule her people who are now without leadership?

'Hellboy II' could have been an awesome film, but, instead it was pretty, yet empty.

The quitting really bothered me because it was never really established what their problems were with working at the BPRD in the first place. Are they saying "take this job and shove it" because they want to get out from under government oversight, or because they want to start their own little society (like the fairies, and if so, why wasn't that parallel better established?) or do they want to be "out" and try to live alongside regular humanity, or what? Are they dropping out of the human world? There was an obvious social point to be made here, about their choices - freedom is better than cloistered protection, humanity rejects the odd so the odd should reject them right back, whatever - but we didn't get what it was because the filmmakers didn't feel like bringing down anyone's popcorn moments with social critiques. Or something.

Why couldn't they have taken the crown and handed it to her? Why couldn't she have stopped the army and returned to rule her people who are now without leadership?

Exactly. She was written as having no ego of her own to save and the fairy realm had no society to preserve. Why were the fairies okay with the old treaty, when clearly they were being hosed by it? Cloak it in self-sacrifice for the greater good all you want, but it doesn't work - she hasn't done a damn thing for her people by dying that she couldn't have done by just being assertive. Bah.

I was very disappointed that the sister's only viable solution was to sacrifice herself to stop her brother. Why couldn't they have taken the crown and handed it to her?

And for that matter, why did the writers put in that whole routine about "If anyone here can show just cause why this anime character and his Golden Robot Army should not be lawfully joined in holy matrimony, let him speak now or et cetera" if the one other character who is obviously entitled to wear the command tiara is just going to blush and look at her feet?

Never mind that in the end Liz just melts the "indestructible" crown into slag with her psychic fire, in which case they could have just destroyed the third piece as soon as they got their hands on it, and let us out of the theater fifty minutes early. I think we've already spent more time thinking about the plot than the writers did. :-(

And if Liz could melt the crown, why couldn't she get really angry and melt the whole damn army? Yeah, we need to stop thinking about this.

God, you're right. It would've been such a better ending too, her going nuclear, and it even would've fit better with the way they played Liz in the movie, as kind of over-the-top hormonal - don't touch my man, I'm pregnant! Instead, we got that weepy scene with please, baby, open your eyes that we've all seen a billion times before... gahhh.

Okay, now I'm envisioning an alternate ending wherein Prince Elric fires up his indestructible robot army and Liz rolls her eyes, snaps her fingers, and melts 'em all down into slag. "Enough of this little-boy video-game horseshit! Now get me some pickles and ice cream, dammit!" And that's, like, totally the end of the movie right there. Stay turned for Hellboy III: My Back Hurts! Rub My Feet!

I think I'd enjoy that a lot more than what we got. :-)

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes!!! In my time zone they're not even early :)

And I agree very much on the "awe of discovery" thing. It spoils the fun when their is nothing mysterious and yet to be discovered, about the nasties.

Yay, I was on time for once! I hope you had a super day.

The lack of surprise thing is really becoming a deal-breaker for me in entertainment - it feels sinister, a creeping subtext of assumed intellectual mastery, and by extension, mastery of everything else. No hint that there could actually be more than one way of looking at things. Instead, it's all Top of the world, ma! What else is there to know about gods or demons, and the afterlife and ghosts and fairies... fft! Pass me another hundred-dollar bill so I can light my cigar! Cynical doesn't quite cover it. It's more like... an anorexia of imagination.

I once got caught in a bathroom like that. It was at work, in the back room of a bookstore. I was the manager and no one noticed I was missing. It's true -- no one wants to see the boss. I felt like Mr. Hart in Nine to Five. I'd probably still be there if someone hadn't left some dishes on the sink so I could use a spoon to slip the door off the hinges.

I was so impressed with the Ironman movie I've been reading some of the comic book collections. But it occurs to me that if I'm going to start getting into graphic novels, I need to read all that Gaiman my daughter has in her room before she takes most of it off to college with her. Because I don't think she can live without them.

Edited 2008-07-16 00:45 (UTC)

Yow! Glad you got out okay! How long were you in there?

I confess I haven't read much of Sandman myself: Gaiman's a great writer (I love Neverwhere), but there are things about the whole conceit of Sandman that sort of give me hives. I have difficulty with the whole gods-who-represent-various-concepts as random personalities - it's part of my whole irk with the cavalier treatment of god imagery in creative works right now. His American Gods rubbed me the wrong way like that too - it felt less like a complete philosophy than just a "neat" idea.

That said, I know very few people who didn't dig on Sandman when they read it, and I'm sure it's well-deserved, for sheer creative energy at the very least.

Can I recommend the Iron Man: Hypervelocity collection? It's a good 'un!

I think I was there for about a half-hour, but it seemed longer.

I've got that Iron Man collection on order.

That still sounds like a long time to be stuck to me. Good thing you were able to MacGuyver your way to freedom.

I hope you like the IM collection. I love the writer, Adam Warren - he has more nutty ideas per square inch than practically any other comic writer I can name right now. And it's a very kinetic piece - the name really fits.

P.S. I won't tell my daughter you dared not to like something by Gaiman! :)

Hee! Probably for the best.

I came across your post in asta's journal. I was entertaineed by your review and the comments. I think the first Hellboy was better and I did have some problems with the film. I felt a little disppointed. I enjoyed Journey To The Center Of The Earth more (which I went in with low expectations).

Yes, I felt Hellboy 2 had too much humor and the musical singalong is horrible. Also the plot felt in some ways borrowing from the plot beats of the first film (end up in big underground system) and still didn't end up as impressive.

I got The Bank Job to watch on DVD (saw it in theaters).

P.S. Death Race remake is from director Paul W.S. Anderson (AvP, Event Horizon, Resident Evil).

Paul Anderson is one of those directors who has a fifty-fifty rating for me - I adore Event Horizon and the first and third Resident Evil movies, but... Alien vs. Predator? That was lame beyond the telling. So, definitely a toss-up there.

I liked the first Hellboy movie pretty okay as well, but wasn't impressed by it the way I was by, say, Spider-Man. It was just kind of visually neat but otherwise not that memorable. Aside from Perlman of course, who livens up everything.

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I am now going to have to see Brothers Grimm. Terry Gilliam is a selling point already, and you & Toys make it sound very fun.

Hope you had a great day! And yeah, Brothers Grimm is fun, but I include again the warning on the gruesome. I'm a horror fan with a strong stomach, and there was some truly freaky stuff in there. Gilliam just seems to have a knack for pulling up the kind of images that haunted you as a kid.

Drama!
I skipped your movie reviews, but I wanted you to know I've been thinking about you the last few days … I miss you!

But the movie reviews are where all my good writing is!

Miss seeing you around the Internets, too. It's been one busy summer; I barely have time to think lately. Did your window situation finally get resolved?

OK, I will read your review!

And yes, the windows are in ... and of course now the co-op board is disputing with the windows company because they don't fit right and aren't as specified and blah blah blah ....

Yes, your writing about movies is wonderful! Alas for me that I seldom know what your references are, because I'm virtually illiterate to entire genres (horror, fantasy, anime, comics) that you talk so cogently about.

Did you review Wall-E? (Which I haven't seen yet but will.)

I haven't seen Wall-E yet, but I intend to - more than one acquaintance whose opinion I respect has called it "a masterpiece," so that would count, I think, as a hearty recommendation.

And thanks for saying I speak cogently about all this material. For me, it all just sounds like ranting, so I'm constantly curious about how it might come off to an "outsider."

I guess one person's rant is another's closely-argued opinion piece.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mostly About Movies

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

at least only your laundry got caught inside

Re: at least only your laundry got caught inside

Re: at least only your laundry got caught inside

Re: at least only your laundry got caught inside

Re: at least only your laundry got caught inside

Re: at least only your laundry got caught inside

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject