Hee. Nothing wrong with a little of that. "You're awesome!" "No, you're awesome!" Everybody wins. :) It's so funny how these insecurities work.
Here's a question - do you think the reason for all this feeling, the I-could-never-write-something-that-good is a case of how many possiblities are left open, like anything could happen and I chose this but why didn't I choose that? - or just a thing where you as the writer see the flaws in your own stuff more clearly?
I think it's probably a bit of both. I know exactly what you mean, though. I'm definitely more aware of my flaws when I read other people, and they're able to describe so effortlessly what I struggle over. Myself, I've been worrying that my narrative voice is too abstract and removed, so when I read the rest of you guys I tend to notice the strengths where I myself am weak. It's normal to do that, I think. And I cringe, because sometimes what I read seems to simple and meaningful, and I never would have thought of writing it that way.
And so I guess that kicking ourselves over missed choices extends both to plotting and to actual writing style. I think I tend to obsess over the style more, because that's where I'm most aware of my weaknesses. When it's dealing with the openness of the story itself, and the almost infinite possibility for various plots...well, I think I find that inspiring more than anything else. Although sometimes I'll read something where the writer interpreted a canon scene differently than I did and worked from there, and that can sometimes lead to me kicking myself and asking myself why I didn't see it that way.
Gah. Clarity is not my strong suit this morning, that's for sure. But I can't tell you how glad I am to hear your concerns, because there's always a part of me that compares myself to other writers and is convinced that I'm really not any good, no matter how many nice comments I get. I think this is something I learned to deal with in grad school -- I spent the better part of six years thinking I was really an idiot and no one had found me out yet. :)
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Date: 2005-01-24 07:28 am (UTC)Hee. Nothing wrong with a little of that. "You're awesome!" "No, you're awesome!" Everybody wins. :) It's so funny how these insecurities work.
Here's a question - do you think the reason for all this feeling, the I-could-never-write-something-that-good is a case of how many possiblities are left open, like anything could happen and I chose this but why didn't I choose that? - or just a thing where you as the writer see the flaws in your own stuff more clearly?
I think it's probably a bit of both. I know exactly what you mean, though. I'm definitely more aware of my flaws when I read other people, and they're able to describe so effortlessly what I struggle over. Myself, I've been worrying that my narrative voice is too abstract and removed, so when I read the rest of you guys I tend to notice the strengths where I myself am weak. It's normal to do that, I think. And I cringe, because sometimes what I read seems to simple and meaningful, and I never would have thought of writing it that way.
And so I guess that kicking ourselves over missed choices extends both to plotting and to actual writing style. I think I tend to obsess over the style more, because that's where I'm most aware of my weaknesses. When it's dealing with the openness of the story itself, and the almost infinite possibility for various plots...well, I think I find that inspiring more than anything else. Although sometimes I'll read something where the writer interpreted a canon scene differently than I did and worked from there, and that can sometimes lead to me kicking myself and asking myself why I didn't see it that way.
Gah. Clarity is not my strong suit this morning, that's for sure. But I can't tell you how glad I am to hear your concerns, because there's always a part of me that compares myself to other writers and is convinced that I'm really not any good, no matter how many nice comments I get. I think this is something I learned to deal with in grad school -- I spent the better part of six years thinking I was really an idiot and no one had found me out yet. :)